WAL*MART

I have a love-hate relationship with Walmart. Actually just hate. But one would think that I love it. Or maybe I do love it. But I hate that I love it. Who knows? It's complicated.

A few years ago, a Walmart was constructed in my hometown. As expected, it caused a lot of local stores and shops to close down, including the filling station where my family has gotten our gas for as long as I can remember. The residents of Piqua used to have to drive to Troy, or maybe Sidney or even Greenville to get to a Walmart, but now there is one just across town. Of course this elated the hillbillies of Piqua (which is sadly a majority of of the population, I have come to think). Conversations heard around town:

"Wow Betty-Lou, that's a super cute shirt, where did you get it?" "Why, Melba, I done bought this at the WALmart! It ain't even cost me much, it was only $3.98!"

"Hey ladies! There's a sale on undies at the Walmart!"


To the hilljacks, Walmart is not only a noun, but a verb and adjective as well. For example: "Hey what are you doing later?" "Oh, you know, goin' Walmartin'" or "This here is a Walmarty bargain, and I didn't even buy it there! I got it at the consignment store!"

As much as I hate Walmart, when it comes down to it, there is nowhere else in this town to buy half of the things I need, and I'm certainly not going to spend the gas money to drive down to Dayton to buy what I want. Plus, where else can you buy makeup, books, socks, swimsuits (not that I would wear a Walmart swimsuit), groceries, gloves, medicine, auto supplies, toys, even fish, all at the same store?

I think that there is some type of Harry Potter-esque magical spell cast around Walmart, because if I am anywhere even near the vicinity, it pulls me in. If I am on that side of town (which, mind you, is only about 5 minutes away from the other side of town), I think to myself "Gee, I should stop by Walmart, I'm sure I need something!" When I do go there for one specific item, I can never just buy one thing. I will inevitably see something else that I want and it will be too new and shiny to resist. It is impossible for me to leave the store without spending at least $10.

The people who work there aren't even nice, so it is definitely not the hospitality that drags me in! One day I thought I would buy my sister a hamster for her birthday, so I asked the woman working in the pet aisle if they had hamsters and she barked at me "NO! This ain't a pet store, lady!" Then last summer, it was late at night and I was looking for something in particular, I can't remember what it was and I asked for assistance and the guy replies "Ma'am I obviously work in the dairy section, so I can't help you." You know, now that I think about it, my friend used to work at the Walmart in her hometown and she told me stories about how the workers all gathered together everyday to sing the happy little Walmart song (w-a-l squiggly m-a-r-t! who's Walmart? OURS!) I have never heard them sing that at MY Walmart...

I suppose the point is that Walmart is evil, and should not have been built in my town, because it is slowly draining me of all my money.